"I got one hand in my pocket, and the other one is giving a high-five..."

I apologize for the negativity of my last couple of posts. Those both came from emotional, broken states of confusion and loss. I have taken some time to self-reflect, and I have decided that everything is indeed going to be okay.

I did drop out of school, but that doesn't mean that it was all for nothing. I found a few amazing friends in that program and I learned a lot about how to truly understand and listen to people and just be a decent human being. I failed for the first time ever. Yeah, I have had moments of failure in music and sports, but never academic and I needed to fail. I needed to know that it was okay to fail and that it didn't make me any less of a person, because it didn't.

I have been so fucking lonely since I started doing school and work full time because I was just too busy to actually make time to spend with people, and just in the past two weeks, I've been able to have a girls night with my grandma and spend time with friends. Honestly, I've probably spent more time with people just this month than I did the entire fall semester. I'm not joking.

And now, I don't feel as lonely. Yes, I'm sad and I'm disappointed in myself for not being able to finish the program, but I am accepting that that was God's way of telling me to slow the heck down and enjoy life. I was too busy living my life waiting for the day that I'd be able to sit back and enjoy watching all of my hard work pay off and completely disregarded watching out for my own well-being in the meantime.

I believe that I am going to be a healthier individual now, just because I am taking time to take care of myself and to have fun.

As much as it has sucked to sit in the grossness of disappointment I'm feeling, I really am doing okay and I have faith that as the days and weeks go by, I will continue to be more and more thankful for this opportunity to grow and truly have time again.

Thank you for sticking it out with me and for all of the encouragement I have received throughout what were some of the hardest times in my life. Thanks to all of the love and prayers, I can confidently say that things are looking up from here.

-Ash