Metamorphosis: Throwback and Flashforward

Hello! I am writing this post while sitting in the living room of the house I am spending the year sharing with seven of my best friends. It's a comfy house with lots of Pinterest crafts and too many couches, and I love everything about it.

I had a post back in February where I talked about how I decided to walk away from the tuba. At the time I was feeling very discouraged and run down and despite worrying about facing regret from my future, decided it would be best to step away from the hobby. When I got the email last fall from Dr. Strauch telling me that I didn't make the Wind Symphony, I kept thinking to myself "Okay Ash, just chill. Maybe something weird will happen and you'll be back in and everything will be fine." but despite how much I wanted it to, that email didn't come... until two weeks ago. I thought about auditioning for Wind Symphony this semester, but remembered my decision back in February and decided to trust myself and forgo that pathway. The week of auditions I had several moments of doubt regarding my decision, but stuck with it. But, on the Friday night before results were going to be posted, Dr. Strauch emailed me and told me that there was an open tuba spot in the ensemble and that if I wanted it, it was mine. I thought really hard about it and about if I felt like it was something that I could fit in my schedule and finally decided that even if I felt too busy to do it, I had to defy those thoughts and just go for it! I am so very excited to be back to playing again and to have the opportunity to get to make music with some truly amazing people.
The Wind Symphony is also going on tour to Thailand this March so that's its own form of awesome as well. It feels incredible surreal to me to be back in this groove, but it's a good kind of surreal feeling. The support I received after my decision in February from family, friends, and the music department in general was absolutely amazing, and I really appreciated it. There were times that I really did miss playing and the bits of nostalgia I was hit with have made this opportunity all the more exciting, so here's to a musically awesome senior year!

That's definitely the biggest change that's happened to me this year and I'm feeling super excited and blessed about it.

This year I am striving to grow. I have set many goals for myself and am going to be actively working to achieve them.

1. Graduate college

This one I'm pretty on track with, but I always have to keep that in the back of my mind.

2. Keep finding yourself

It's weird, in the past three years I have met someone entirely new-- someone I never expected to be. Growing up, I made an act to keep the exterior me look soft an whatnot while harboring a heart of bitterness and anger and I am starting to neutralize that. I am learning to allow myself to feel things even if I don't want to, to be vulnerable with others, and to love myself despite my flaws. I am learning how to neutralize myself and how to be more independent, but also that it's okay to be dependent on people too.

3. Don't sweat the small stuff

I have always had a tendency to be super picky about stuff that doesn't and shouldn't matter and I am trying to steer away from that. I don't really understand why I have put so much energy into stressing about there being a dirty dish in the sink or a pair of shoes in the living room. I mean, what's the point? If that's my biggest concern, I must be doing alright. So, this year I'm trying to just try to take it easy and go with the flow.

4. Reconnect with God

This one's the most important to me this year. This may sound weird, coming from someone who's at a Presbyterian university, but the past three years have been very interesting for me spiritually. I tried testing out churches Freshman and Sophomore year, but I never really got plugged in or wanted to go after going to one either once or a few times. And while I absolutely still consider myself a Christian and try to live my life by Biblical standards, I definitely have lost my relationship with God. This year, I am going to really try to change that.

This summer, was the best summer I've ever had! I stayed in Spokane and worked for half of it, but I also let myself take the other half to drop all of my responsibilities and go home. It was amazing to be home for such a solid chunk of time. I got to spend an abundance of time with my nephews. Every time I come home, it blows my mind how much they seem to have grown up since the last time I was there. They're turning into these little people with their own personalities and quirks and the amount of joy they fill me with is overwhelming. I also got to see my two nieces who visited from Texas! I hadn't even met Savannah yet, so that was a big deal to me. And Makayla has grown so much since I last saw her. It amazes me how much Mak mirrors her mom when she was younger and Savannah never failed to keep a smile on my face-- those girls are just freaking adorable! They also just welcomed a little sister into the world, Journey Dawn. I haven't got to meet her yet, but she's going to be just as wonderful as the others and I'm so excited to get to be her aunt too!

I also had a very special friend come visit this summer. I hadn't seen CJ since January of 2014, so it was really great being able to catch up with him. We spent the entire trip on-the-go! We toured Seattle, the forts of Whidbey Island, and a single day 12 hour road trip and I had fun every minute of it. When he leaves, I always miss him like crazy and it definitely takes a toll on me, but it was more than worth it to get to see him one more time. The day that he left, I took myself on a date to see Taylor Swift perform in Seattle and it was soooo cool. She put on a great show and really helped numb the feelings of CJ going back home.

To top it all off, my parents surprised me with a trip to Hawaii a few days later! I literally didn't know we were going until we were in the car on our way to the airport, so that was super cool. We spent 6 days doing what we wanted when we wanted and it was absolutely awesome. It was great to be able to spend some time with just them to catch up and just be together and I will never forget that trip. I was on a plane for 6 hours each way and it didn't crash either time, so that was an added bonus.

I also got a tattoo a couple of weeks ago. I decided to participate in the semicolon project which is a movement which involves drawing (or tattooing) a semicolon on your body to represent the purpose of a semicolon: when you could have chosen to end a sentence, but didn't. It's all about mental health and suicide awareness and the message was very moving to me.

For more information about the semicolon project, check out their website!
http://www.projectsemicolon.org/

So yeah, that's the latest scoop on my hijinks. I'm still working at Excelsior and I still absolutely love it. I'm going to be doing an intramural dodge ball team with some great friends and will hopefully endure many more shenanigans with them! I'll also be mentally prepping myself for my journey to Thailand with the Wind Symphony in the spring, which sounds both scary and awesome at the same time. And, yeah, I'll just keep living the dream. So, in other words, this year is going to be full of lots of work but also lots of play! Graduation is going to sneak up on me, but it will be awesome to finally get that ridiculously expensive piece of paper that will seal up a life changing four years of my life.

Thanks for taking the time to get up to speed on what I've been up to.

Much love,

Ashley

P.S. Here are a few more photos that highlight my summer!