Holy cow, I am a Junior in college… where does the time go??
In the past few years, I have had some of the greatest
moments of my life and I’ve made some absolutely incredible friends. I really
do feel that they have been one long growing experience for me,
which has led to some big decisions.
When I was in sixth grade, I started playing the tuba and I
instantly fell in love. If you knew me as a kid, you probably understand why I
loved it so much, being the quirky girl who didn’t follow many social norms. I
felt unique and accomplished when I played, and the ensembles that I played in
filled me with an abundance of warmth at the most convenient of times. When I
moved to Orting and enrolled in high school, I was bummed because there was no
marching band, and I really wanted to learn how to do field shows and such, but
that wasn’t too big of a deal—I don’t feel like I missed out on anything too
special. Playing in high school was an amazing experience. The great thing
about Orting is that since it’s a town that continues to grow and expand, there
is so much potential and room for students to expand. This ability to expand
gave me some amazing opportunities to grow in my musical abilities. When we
started the drum line, I loved the feeling that it filled me with; I was adding
another item to my lists of accomplishment. I wouldn’t want to trade the time
that I spent learning the bass drum, and then the quads after school for
anything else in the world. At the same time we got the drum line started, we
also wanted to pull together a strong jazz ensemble. We started as, like drum
line, an after-school club and quickly advanced past that and obtained our own
class period. This amazing band I am referring to is The Jazz Fiasco and the
Sweet Nothings. In the JFSN, I was challenged in yet another way when I decided
to pick up the bass trombone. It was definitely a process learning the new
horn, but I absolutely loved it. The JFSN will always hold a special place in
my heart—they were a second family to me in the short, but very sweet two years
we spent together.
After I graduated, I headed to Whitworth University. When I showed up, I had full intentions on playing in the Wind Symphony (the advanced wind ensemble here), but God had other plans for me. Coming from where I had been, this was devastating to me. Before leaving Orting, I had served as the band secretary, then vice president, and then president my senior year and was very involved in leadership in the ensembles, so I wasn’t used to being an underdog again… I instead played in the concert band for my Freshman year.
Last year, I auditioned for the Wind Symphony again, and
made it! I was ecstatic to be a part of something as special as the Wind
Symphony, and my hard work Freshman year is what got me there. Shortly after
getting the results from Wind Symphony, I received an email from the Orchestra
director asking me if I was interested in also playing in the Whitworth
Symphony Orchestra. That opportunity blew my mind. Of course, I took it. Last
year was a busy year… and I wouldn’t want to have spent that time any other
way. Spring of last year, the Wind Symphony went on tour to California, where
we played several concerts and had a great time being together on such a great
trip—it was truly a blessing to be a part of it.
This Fall, I didn’t make either ensemble. Like I mentioned
above, I didn’t make it Freshman year and I was devastated. This year shattered
me. This came as pure shock to me, and is nowhere near where I planned on
ending up this year, but life threw me a curve ball, so I had to try to at least
catch it. I think the worst part of this was that I had just spent all of the
summer working and saving, and working and saving and I bought myself a
beautiful, brand-spankin-new tuba. She is seriously a beauty, and I love her.
But unfortunately, I don’t love playing anymore. I don’t even like it,
actually. I have had a few really, really hard moments and let-downs in the
past few years in my musical career, and to say I’ve officially burned out is
an understatement.
After lots of thought, I have come to realize that I am not
playing because of my love for it anymore. I am playing because that’s what I
do. It has been what makes me feel special and proud for quite a while now, and
also something that I know my family is proud of me for. It sucks thinking
about letting go of something that was once so special to me, but it also sucks
feeling sucky. I’ve decided that it’s time for me to put my energy into
something else that I can be proud of—something else than can define me. That
is why I have decided to let go of the pressure I’ve put on myself to keep
chugging along with something that is ready to be left in the past. It is time
for me to start to dominate my studies, and start to look forward to the
“grown-up” I’m working towards being.
It’s going to be a really weird transition for me, but I am
sure in the end I will still feel like this was the right decision for me. I’m
not quite sure what my musical future may entail (if anything) or what I am
going to do with this new tuba, but I know I am going to be relieved and happy
and honestly, that is what is important to me right now. Plus, I am going to
still have the Whitworth Band of Pirates (Pep Band) to keep me in shape. We
started that this year and it really is bundles of fun.
And as for you... thank you for taking the time to read about what's going on in my life and where life is taking me. I am truly honored that I have such an amazing support system.
-Ashley
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