Metamorphosis: 2019

Heyyo!

This is probably the closest together I've ever made a blog post, but a lot has happened in the past month, so I figured an update was worth it for those of you who follow my blog.

July was a huge month for me. I was in a pretty weird space for most of it (probably because change and I don't get along), but as I look back, it was one of the best months I've ever had. I was able to get back to the grad school grind and am over halfway through my first class with a 96%.

A couple of weeks ago, I took a quick trip to California to see the final Vans Warped Tour, which is something I have really wanted to go to. I got to go with one of my best college friends, Hyeon, and a couple of her good friends. It was an amazing little getaway and the change of scenery was exactly what I needed to refuel so I could come back ready to put the pedal to the metal.

A lot of the rest of this post is going to be super sappy, but we all know I'm a sap, so what's new? If you can't take the sap, don't sit under the tree (is that a real saying or did I just make that up???)

Anyway...

I was amazed at the generosity and support I received this month from my friends and family through all of these transitions. I just signed my life away (okay, that's dramatic... only 30 years) and purchased a house. My parents spent a week in Spokane helping me pack, move, and get settled into the new house. I didn't think ahead (what's new?) and take the week off work to prep for the move, so they spent 3 days working morning to night without me there just so the house would be ready for me to move into. After my work week had concluded, we spent another 3 entire days working, moving, unpacking, cleaning, etc. (you name it, we were doing it.) To top it all off, my grandparents also dedicated their week to helping me get everything set up including building a fence, painting, and cleaning their petunias off. I was then blessed by my uncle dedicating his weekend to help us get things done as well (he is also the best moving truck loader I have ever known). I am humbled and baffled that so many people dedicated so much time, sweat, and work to help me make this happen. I could NOT have done this alone, and for that I am so very grateful.

The week before the move was really rough and I was experiencing a crapload (I'm filtering my language just for you, Grandma) of anxiety with work stuff. I was humbled as I was set back a little bit and needed to rely on people to help get the job done, but the people that were relied on did so without me even needing to ask and with no strings or complaints attached; it was actually the opposite. Hands were extended and grace was given as I was hit with a reminder that I am human. I am very thankful for the work family that I get to spend my weeks with and that we all do our best to support and nurture one another. I am stoked to say that I received a promotion last week. This new position is something that I have been working hard towards and have been waiting for for a while now, so I am jazzed to get to it!

All-in-all, it was a humbling, but very, very blessed month for me. Things are starting to slow down for me and I finally feel like I can breathe again. I would not have grown as much as I did without the support of those in my squad and this is me extending a massive thank you to those of you that have been there for me through these transitions in life.

I would like to conclude this with another one of my sappy take-home messages:

I want to you to really take this in, because it is applicable to every single one of you.
You are loved. You matter. You are enough. You are freaking awesome.
Don't ever let life ever trick you into thinking that any of those things are not true.
I know this because I have lived it (just like most everybody in the world), and I am a living specimen sitting here promising you that things get better. Life may take a massive dump on you at times, but there is a light ahead and you have to push through the darkness to get there.

That's all I have for now. I have tacos waiting for me, so I really need to wrap this up. I also just realized that I haven't finished the new season of Stranger Things, so y'all probably won't hear from me for a few days.

I hope everyone's August starts off great and only gets better as it carries on.

God bless,

Ashley Taylor Phoenix Senf I

I only have one picture for this post, and its sole purpose is to gross everyone that doesn't have an attached-at-the-hip relationship with their dog out. Here Vader and I are on a drive enjoying the little things in life. He is the best. sidekick. ever.

Hey there!

A lot has happened since I updated this in November! Mostly good things, actually.

In May, I flew to Texas to watch my oldest sister graduate with her Master's in Marriage and Family Therapy from Abilene Christian University. While I was there, she convinced me to apply to their program. (I didn't take much convincing since I've been wanting to go back to finish my degree...) Anyway, long story short, I got in! I have officially started classes and am on my way to finishing that pesky degree that I have worked so hard on. Despite the several inquiries regarding whether I will be moving to Abilene or not, I can confidently say I am not, nor do I ever intend to move to Abilene... mark my words. The program is online, which is going to be a great fit for me. I have always struggled to take in information while sitting in class, as my ADHD is not very kind to sitting still and concentrating for as long as class sessions generally are. I am very super excited for this new learning format. Ever since I dropped out of Whitworth January 2018, it has been like a black cloud following me around, reminding me that I didn't amount to what I thought I would. I already feel like that cloud is gone, and I am back on track to get this shit done! So, hopefully, I will be able to drop my diploma on the stage in May 2021, just like Bink did.

Other than school, there are some other big changes approaching. I am currently in the process of buying a house. As long as the appraisal goes as planned, I should be in at the end of July! The house is super cute and my bedroom will actually be a fully finished loft. I'm pretty stoked about it. I am definitely being that millennial who has skipped the marriage and kid portion (for now) and am trying to make sure my dog gets to live his best life. I've been reluctant to share about that part of my journey because last year when I went through this process, it crumbled at the last minute and I'm still a little nervous, but this time has gone much smoother and everything has lined up perfectly.

While those are both two pretty big things for me, my biggest accomplishment hasn't happened quite yet. On July 18th, I will be able to officially say that it has been a year since I've had any mental-health-related hospital trips. This is going to be a pretty huge milestone because, since 2015, I've averaged going to the hospital 2-3 times a year. That is a good testament to how well this intricate concoction of medications is working. It has been an odd year. I have realized that I am still not the me that I used to be or that I want to be. I am starting to realize, though, that I will never be that person again. If I was, all of this work and all of these hardships would have been for nothing. Now, I am starting to redefine who Ashley is and what that truly looks like. But, this Ashley is doing a pretty darn good job. It hasn't been perfect (not even a little bit), but the struggles that I've faced this year do not amount to the hurdles I have faced in the past, and I am blessed to be able to say that. My care team has been the brunt and brains behind this progress. Yeah, I may be paying them to do their job, but they have navigated this all with patience and grace and encouragement and I can not thank them enough. My nurse practitioner is actually going to be retiring in August, so I'm a little nervous about finding a replacement as great as her, but I'm sure it will work out how it needs to.

Another big thank you should be extended to my support system of friends, family, and mentors. I am not always the easiest friend or daughter or sister to have, but I am trying my best and the grace and empathy that has been extended to me is infinitely appreciated. I am truly blessed to have such an army behind me. To those of you out there who have been a part of my army, thank you... so much.

This week, I will be trekking out to Clancy, MT to go camping at our family cabin for the Fourth of July. I am beyond stoked to have some uninterrupted time with my family. Thunderstorms are forecasted for the entire time we're there, so we may be all holed up in the cabin for the weekend, but it'll be fun nonetheless. I haven't told Vader that we're going yet, but he is also going to be stoked... a long drive and time outdoors is all that pup wants in life. (We will be stopping for puppachinos along the way, too.)

Anyway, that's the scoop! I hope you, whoever you are, are having a great start to your week. And I hope your Fourth of July is truly blessed and you're spending it doing something enjoyable... even if it's just for a moment. Get out, be with others, and take care of yourself, because you are worth it.

Before I sign off, I would like to leave you all with this tidbit. We all experience hardships and trying times. I have had my fair share and I certainly will again. With that being said, reach out when you need it. Accept help when it's offered. Embrace the existence of others because we can't all do this "life" thing alone.

Give a hug, a high-five, a wedgie... anything. Be there. Be present. Love those who mean anything to you.

Much love,
Ashley Taylor Phoenix Senf I

If you're into visuals, here's my life lately...