When I last updated y'all, I was coming to terms with dropping out of grad school and was still on the search for the perfect concoction of medications. Since then, there has been a LOT of trial and error, but I feel like the spot that I'm in right now is where I want to be.
Here's a little bit of a recap: it's been about 5~6 years since I received my first diagnosis where I started the medication exploration process and 1 year since I did the extensive testing that gave a more concrete picture of what we're working with. I have tried 12 different medications in that time and have had too many dose, release lengths, etc. changes to count, and right now, I can confidently say that Latuda has given me my life back. For those of you who do not know much about medications, Latuda is a newer drug that is in the antipsychotic class. However, it also serves as a powerful tool for fighting the depressive side of Bipolar disorder. In my experience, it has almost completely eliminated any form of psychotic symptoms as well as completely leveled out my mood. It has been a rocky road, but things right now are going really, really well. October/November is a very common time for me to have lots of fluctuations in my mood, but so far, I have not experienced any drastic highs or lows. It has taken a lot of time and energy to get my mental health leveled out, so now my big focus is going to be to get caught back up and healthy in the aspects of my life that I let slip in the process.
There are some amazing people that have backed me through this journey, and the patience, kindness, and encouragement that I've received from my friends and family has not gone unnoticed or unappreciated. If you're sitting there wondering if you're a part of that, you are. Every moment that those of you spent sitting or processing through stuff with me, every squeeze I was given on a low day, every celebratory high-five, every "hey, you're doing a good job", and every random check in that's been extended to me has added up and made a wall that was impossible for the mental illness to overcome. For that support, I am eternally grateful and oh so humbled. There have been a few people that I've lost along the way, but I believe that that is life's way of showing you who your real friends are. And in the words of my mom, sometimes you need to just "forget about those bitches, because you've got other bitches."
I'm working Thanksgiving morning, but afterwards I will be catching a flight home (to make it in time for a late dinner) where I will also get to spend a whole week with my parents, sister, and nephews. I am beyond stoked to get away from Spokane for a little bit and to get a good chunk of quality time in with them. I'm still a little uneasy about going home without Emily being there, but thankfully Vader will be with me, so he'll serve as a good distraction.
I hope you, whoever you may be, are doing well and that the holiday season is treating you kindly. Please don't hesitate to reach out to me if you are in need of support, squeezes, or baked goods (I'm killing it on the baking game lately). I will leave you with a bible verse that sits warmly with me right now:
"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us."
Romans 8:18
Much love,
Ashley Taylor Phoenix Senf
P.S. Here are some pictures that highlight my year!
My little bear and me backed by our city.
My Spokane crew of bitches... always up to no good and always having fun while doing so.
Vader likes to smile at me...
The girls came to visit in May... it was wonderful to have a little bit of time with them. <3
Lucas and me at the dinosaur exhibit. He's only choking me a little bit...
I took Vader paddle boarding for the first time... he had mixed feelings. He also fell in only a few times...
Vader on our camping trip in Montana. Taken in portrait mode.
Marcus and I had a weekend auntie-Markie getaway to the cabin in September... definitely learned that I'm not quite ready to be a mom.
Group shot of the cabin crew.
Chrissy (my little big sister) came to visit Spokane. We enjoyed a night out together.
Cuddle time with Vader and my beautiful ol' girl, Em, who I miss tremendously.
And then this is just me. Feeling good and ready to party.
