"Sugar, we're going down swinging."

Hello!

November seems to have snuck up on me this year, and it has brought some wonderful and challenging new components.

I have officially been hired on as a full-time team staff at work, which brings on more responsibilities as well as an opportunity to get to know the kids in my unit on a deeper level. I am really excited for this opportunity. I've only worked two shifts in the new position and I'm already being challenged... which I believe is a good thing.

School has been pretty steady and not really unbearable, so that's a positive thing. I've officially decided to extend my program from 2 to 3 years, which I think is going to make working full-time and going to school a lot more manageable. I am supposed to be starting my practicum (seeing clients) in January, but that's still up in the air. I may decide to wait a year until I hop onboard with that because I feel like it's really ethically important that I'm in a place that's ready to counsel people before I do so. I don't want to be hasty with this process-- these are real lives I'm going to be working with.

Speaking of which, something really weird has been going on. I feel like right now, a lot of the people I care deeply about are going through some hard times. I don't know why it's happening all at once, but something marvelous is happening with it. Everyone is struggling, yet everyone is also trying to support one another. It's almost like we all have these glasses of water that are only 1/4 full and emptying quickly, yet we're still using our glasses to fill up one another's. It's a cycle of emotional exhaustion, yet people's glasses remain filled because everyone just cares so freaking much that they're willing to spare a little water even with how little they may have. It kind of reminds me of the story in the bible where Jesus feeds an entire village with only five loaves of bread and two fish. It just goes to show that God does provide when it's truly needed. Support is an incredible thing and comes in so many different forms. Whether it's something as simple as a hug on a hard day, or sitting with someone for hours so they don't have to be alone, it still makes an impact and means a lot. If you are reading this and you identify with this, I would like for you to know that you are loved and supported, and I have water to spare if or whenever you may need it; all you need to do is reach out and ask for it.

I've been trying to be more intentional about using my coping skills and branching out in my interests, so that's been kind of cool. I've been quilting more, which is something that I really, really enjoy doing and takes my mind off of things when I need it to. I'm also making it a goal to go to church regularly, so tomorrow will be my first day trying to get back into the swing of that.

My childhood best friend, Samara, celebrated a one-year vow renewal a couple of weeks ago, and I was fortunate enough to be invited to be a part of the ceremony. We had a nice pre-wedding "I know you're already married, but this is exciting and this is your big day." chat which really made it real to me that she's grown up and doing that whole "adulting" thing. I'm so happy that she was able to find her soulmate at and that she is truly happy. We spent an entire day celebrating her bachelorette party which was probably my favorite part of the weekend. Part of the day entailed a wine and paint party where I was told by the instructor that I have "my own kind of artistic style" (a.k.a. I suck at painting) so I ended up giving up and painting the death star over my moon.

My parents will be in town this weekend, so I'm really looking forward to that. I've been pretty homesick lately, especially with the anticipation that I may not be able to go home for the holidays because of this new work schedule. But, I have faith that I'll be able to work out at least a couple of days to sneak away.

Today, I drove over to Clarkston to see my friend Amanda. It was so good to see her. She was such a huge part of my Spokane undergrad experience and is someone who means a lot to me, so it really was a blessing to get to have a day with her. We went fishing and both caught a fish, so that was pretty cool. We ended the day with pizza at Fazzari's where I tried pizza with onions and sauerkraut on it... it was AWESOME.

Winter is approaching which means snow will begin to fall and snowboarding season will be back! I bought a season pass for Mt. Spokane this year, so I'll probably be going up at least every Saturday, so if anyone is interested in joining, just hit me up! Another dear friend, Jessica, is going to be trekking over all the way from Chicago so we can enjoy a couple of days up at the mountain together, so that is another thing I will be looking forward to.

Other than that, not much is going on with me. My life has basically been school, work, and doing laundry while making time to spend with friends on the side. I am so thankful for the friends I have, old and new. There are just some things that I don't think I could have done alone, so I am extremely grateful for them.

Thank you so much for reading up on my Spokane hijinks. As I mentioned earlier in this post, if you are in need of support or anything, please don't hesitate to reach out. We all need to take care of one another in this intense and scary world.

-A

P.S. Here's a picture of an Ashley Taylor Senf I masterpiece. I hung it up in my parents' kitchen while they were sleeping. It does not go with their decor at all, but I'm sure my mom loves waking up and having her coffee while admiring how I threw off the vibe of our house. You're welcome, Tudie.

P.P.S. 40 DAYS UNTIL ROGUE ONE COMES OUT!!!!!!
(Here's a countdown for anyone that needs it)

"Time goes by, time brings changes, you change too..."

Heyyo! I know I updated this thing just a couple of short months ago, but a lot has changed, so I figured I'd throw another one out there...

Classes for the summer term wrapped up last Thursday. We only had two classes that we took in this short 6-week term, but we definitely took in a lot of information and learned a LOT about what the process to becoming an MFT looks like. I received my grades today and so far, I'm 5 credits in and have a 4.0. Hopefully I can keep that momentum going strong! So far, I'm really happy with how classes have gone and the program itself. I'm definitely nervous about the big picture and the amount of time and work it's going to take to finally get licensed, but it seems like that's how a lot of us are feeling, so I'm just trusting that eventually it will all work out.

I'm definitely working on getting adjusted to the new Spokane scene as well. Graduation was really bittersweet because it wrapped up four years of hard work, but also entailed a lot of change. As expected, the goodbyes that had to be said sucked (so, so bad), but I'm making it out and I'm starting to become comfortable with this "new Spokane". I've been making more of an effort to reach out to others as well as enjoying my "me time" when I can catch the time. I'm really thankful to have the job that I do because I work with some truly incredible people who strive to support one another on and off of the clock. This transition would have been much harder for me if I didn't have the opportunity to interact with, support, and be supported by some of those amazing individuals.

We had a bit of a spider problem in our house, and for those of you who know me even remotely know that I'm not about that life. So I finally decided that it was effecting me enough to ask my landlord to do more to fix the problem. They hired pest control to come out and rid of the eight-legged hell spawns, and meanwhile I've been staying at THE REAL MVP HOUSE (aka Grandma and Papa's). I am SO thankful to have those two only 24.5 minutes away. Over the past four years, they have been a huge support system for me. I look forward to our lunch dates or the times I can make it over there for dinner, because I just love being around them. So, here's a shout-out to Judith Patron (add the accent on the "o") and Papa Senf for being so gosh darn great. Love you guys! As of tonight, I am officially back in my (so far) arachnid free home...

All-in-all everything is going really, really well. I was feeling pretty uneasy with the transition, but after a little bit of time to process and support from friends, I'm snapping out of it. I'm really thankful that I've been blessed with these incredible opportunities as well as some kick-ass friends and family.

This upcoming weekend, I'll be camping with the Senf-clan so that should be a hoot! I haven't seen Marcus or Lucas since April, so I'm super stoked that they'll be making an appearance... my inner auntie needs some nephew time. Then, two of my bests will be here next week for the wedding of another good friend of ours, so we will be reunited for a handful of days! After the wedding we will be going camping in Canada as well as staying at our family cabin in Montana (outhouse included). I'm so stoked to see my girls again and to get a little bit of off time before school starts back up again in September!

Thank you for taking the time to read up on what's been poppin' in the life of Ashley. I hope that you, reader, are doing well. If not, hit me up... we'll chat... it'll be great... all the fun will be had. But seriously, I'm here if you need anything.

Much love,
A

P.S. Marcus picked out this phone case for me while he was in Disneyland... I'm not typically a big stormtrooper fan, but I'd like to believe that that's Finn under the mask. Also he was super stoked about it, so I basically love it.

"Your world's not falling apart, it's falling into place."

Oh man, I have a feeling this is going to be a long one, so get a drink in your hand and buckle up boys and girls because I'm about to get all up in the feels and stuff.

(This portion was written after I got back from Thailand... I just forgot to publish it)

How's that for an intro? Can you tell I haven't slept in a long time? Yeah, me either.

ANYWAY, I got back from Thailand late Sunday night, early Monday morning. The Whitworth Wind Symphony went on a Spring Break excursion where we played a few concerts and spent the rest of the time taking an adventure through the Thai culture.

I came into this year without any remote expectation of being in the Wind Symphony let alone going on tour with them-- I didn't even bother to audition. Honestly, I sat on it for a while and I tried to convince myself to audition (especially after seeing where they were touring to), but I couldn't get myself to do it because I was so afraid of not getting in again and having to deal with that rejection one more time. I was a little sad when auditions were over and I still hadn't signed up for a slot, but I knew that it was for the best. However, that night I received an email from Dr. Strauch (with the subject line of "URGENT!!!" notifying me that there was a spot open for tuba and inviting me to take it. That was an email that stopped me dead in my tracks. First off, when you receive and email with the subject line "URGENT!!!", it's going to startle you because you're wondering what the hell is going on and what could be so urgent, but also because that is the exact email that I begged God to send me last year. And apparently, He delivered, just a little later than I was expecting. Anyway, I stared at that screen for a while and after talking to my parents, decided that it was a sign that I needed to go back for one last round and end my tuba career with a bang. Let me just say that I am so freaking glad that I took this opportunity. I forgot what it felt like to be in rehearsal and I forgot what it felt like to be a part of a community as strong as the Wind Symphony. Music has always been something that fuels me and I just feel so empowered and happy when I'm playing, that I couldn't imagine this year without it.

(This part was written now...)

Pardon my language this next paragraph, but it's about to get real and the filter's dipping out.
Last fall was so fucking hard on me. I'm not trying to complain, but I have to complain a little bit so I can get to the positive side at the end of this...
It was so fucking hard and I honestly didn't think I was going to make it out in one piece. I slipped to a high that felt like the lowest I had ever been before and I completely lost myself. I didn't realize I was gone it was too late and I hit rock bottom. I'm not going to go into much more detail than that, but I'll just end it by saying that it was a huge wake up call as far as what my body and mind are capable of and I now understand the importance of self-care, self-awareness, and being proactive. However, despite everything that went down, I experienced the most genuine unconditional love that I have ever felt. With everything that happened, and all of the shit I put people through, I had a couple of people who stuck by me through it all. Even with the hurt that I put people through, they selflessly showed me love and sat with me through it all and I won't ever be able to express how much that meant to me, but it really did.

Now, flashing forward to the future...

I graduate in 34 days. With that door closing in my life is going to come some incredibly hard "see you laters", and I'm not ready for them, but it's inevitable. I have been accepted into Whitworth's Marriage and Family therapy Master's program, and I have committed to it. That program is going to start in June, so my biggest objective right now is finding a place to live, which has been a struggle. The housing situation I have right now is so perfect that I'm finding myself overly critical of every opportunity that comes in front of me. However, that is honestly the least of my worries.

Right now, I'm just stuck in this terribly terrified and sad feeling. When I came to Spokane, I knew nothing about the city. I built everything I know about Spokane with some of the greatest people in this world. When I think of Spokane, I think of the things that we share together. I look at restaurants, parks, hikes, etc. and can't help but associate them with the people that I often shared them with, and it's so hard to imagine those places without those people. It's going to feel so wrong sharing those places with anyone but them, and it's overwhelming. I don't want to here without them, because they are my Spokane. (I hope that doesn't sound too weird) My people are graduating and moving on to start their lives elsewhere, and I'm so excited to see the amazing things they do for this world, but I am also terrified of the lonely feeling that is going to suffocate me once it's time to part ways. I know I'm not going to be alone, but I know that it will never be the same and I'm going to have to feel empty for a little bit before I can start to build a new foundation. I'm having a hard time accepting that right now, but like I said, it's inevitable, so I'm going to have to get through it. Every time I have reached out to God for guidance, he has delivered, so I know that staying in Spokane and working towards my future is what I need to do. I'm afraid that I'm going to sink into another low like I did last fall and not have my support system to keep me in check, but I know I'll never be alone. Their support has helped me learn how to help myself, so they have left an infinite mark on me.

I have some dreams that I am ready to start to fulfill. I want to be a therapist and I want to change the lives of people who are going through hardships. I want to use my own hurdles and make them worth something, because I refuse to accept that they were all for nothing.

I'm not trying to be a downer, but that's kind of where I'm at right now. I have a lot of shit to take care of in the next month and a half, so I have to stay strong, and I am determined to tough it out. If praying is your thing, I guess I'd just like to ask for yours. I just really need these lonely, terrified, and lost feelings to be short lived, so I can stop faking it and get back to being myself. I need something bigger in my life right now, because I can't do this on my own.

If you're reading this and are graduating alongside me, I just want you to know how proud of yourself you should be. You've put so much work into this moment, and you are going to do some amazing things in this world; never doubt that.

P.S. I read somewhere that coconut oil is good for your scalp, so I tried using that after washing my hair the other night and I'm pretty sure you could still use my head to grease a cake pan. Moral of the story, not everything on the internet is true.

Ski Lifts and Doing Shit

I was sitting at home today just chilling on the couch and I got bored and decided to look up apps on my phone to entertain me. I saw a snowboarding game and thought that looked like fun so I downloaded it. As it was downloading, I realized that I was seriously about to sit on my couch and pretend to do something that I really enjoy doing when I could just get off of my ass and go do it for real. That realization led to me taking a spontaneous trip up to Mt. Spokane where I was able to spend some time by myself sinking in the beauty of life (I know that sounds cheesy, but I don't really give a shit; I'm a pretty cheesy person).

Even though I am absolutely terrified of ski lifts, I really value the time I spend on them because it's a solid chunk of time which I'm surrounded by beautiful scenery that I can use to think about all of the blessings in my life and everything I have going for me. It's too easy to get caught up on the negative side of the spectrum when you get stuck in a routine. 

Anyway, this is probably one of my shortest posts, but I just got caught up on this thought and am feeling pretty inspired to get out of my routine and find more time to truly live my life. I challenge you to think about this as well.

Like usual, I just want to thank you as well for taking time out of your life to read about mine. The support I am constantly receiving from my friends and my family is inspiring, uplifting, and greatly appreciated. 

Love,

A

P.S. Here's a picture of my first ride up. This is the shortest lift, but you have to take it to get to the one above it- that's where you can find some really great views.